Heros and Ghosts

If I walk down this hallway tonight it's too quiet

So I pad through the dark and call you on the phone

Push your old numbers and let your house ring          

'Til I wake your ghost

Let him walk down your hallway

It's not this quiet

Slide down your receiver, sprint across the wire

Follow my number and slide into my hand

It's the blaze across your nighgown

It's the phone's ring

I think last night, you were driving circles around me

I think last night, you were driving circles around me

I can't drink this coffee til I put you in my closet

Let him shoot me down and let him call me off

Take it from his whisper, you're not that tough

I think last night, you were driving circles around me

I think last night, you were driving circle around me.

• From "Your Ghost"-Greg Laswell

           

                       

                           I sat in the dark tonight and listened to that song.

                      I wondered, "What ghosts do I awake?" 

                                                      I wonder.....

                     I wonder, how many ghosts of my past revisit me? 

                                                      Do I welcome them back? 

                    Were they meant to return? 

                                                      Should I have let them return to me?

                    How long will they haunt me? How long?............        

Fear.

Do I entertain it? 

Does it entertain me?

How often do I allow it to envelope my entire being?

Have I let it eat away at my soul all this time?

I know I am not the only one that feels that way. Male or female, young or old, dead or living, hoping or hating, awake or sleeping; truth is, we have all felt it. 

I have felt fear

I can't decide if fear can be turned into something beautiful or not. 

You can turn almost any bad situation into something beautiful later on,

but I can't think of a fearful situation that I can remember as having been turned into something beautiful, at any point in time.

Maybe it was the fear of being who I am that was turned into something beautiful 

"I am proud of you for being who you really are, Emily." 

It wasn't until I heard those words from my sister that I realized that becoming who I truly am is a long, hard, and lonely road. 

There are no two people in this road that are exactly alike

That's why it's a lonely road. 

But, the end result is always worth it.

There are moments when I question myself,

Will I allow myself to be who I really am?

Will I dig up the old ghost of myself and return to my old ways?

Maybe the thing I fear the most is the fear of being who I really am.

Can I handle the negative comebacks from people on the simple changes I personally make, to become a better me? 

Will I be responsible for the mistakes I make?

Will I withstand the judgement I receive from others, for being someone that they just don't understand?

Do I listen to the voices in my head that are constantly nagging me?

It isn't worth it, Emily. You're not worth it. Who are you to just dream up being individual and unique? You don't deserve to be who you want to be. 

                              YOU AREN'T WORTH IT.

What if the voices are right? 

What if I am the ugly, unworthy, selfish person that I feel like?

"All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves;

I looked for him but did not find him.

I will get up now and go about the city, 

through its streets and squares;

I will search for the one my heart loves.

So I looked for him but did not find him.

The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city.

'Have you seen the one my heart loves?'

Scarcely had I passed them 

when I found the one my heart loves."

And then, my hero sweeps in.... 

"My dove in the clefts of the rock,

in the hiding places on the 

mountainside,

show me your face,

let me hear your voice;                                   

for your voice is sweet,

and your face is lovely.

You have stolen my heart, 

my sister, my bride;

you have stolen my heart 

with one glance of your eyes."

(Excerpts from Solomon's Song of Songs)

That is how Jesus feels about me, and I know that no one can change that. 

Embed that in your heart, because you are embedded in His. 

I will no longer be afraid to be who He has called me to be, because I know when my heart wants to give in to my ghosts, my Hero sweeps in and saves me. <3

                                                                                                         

You are more than the ghost of your past, My Love.

Written with love by Emmi

Dedicated to those who are fighting their ghosts.

You can win this battle.