Heros and Ghosts

If I walk down this hallway tonight it's too quiet

So I pad through the dark and call you on the phone

Push your old numbers and let your house ring          

'Til I wake your ghost

Let him walk down your hallway

It's not this quiet

Slide down your receiver, sprint across the wire

Follow my number and slide into my hand

It's the blaze across your nighgown

It's the phone's ring

I think last night, you were driving circles around me

I think last night, you were driving circles around me

I can't drink this coffee til I put you in my closet

Let him shoot me down and let him call me off

Take it from his whisper, you're not that tough

I think last night, you were driving circles around me

I think last night, you were driving circle around me.

• From "Your Ghost"-Greg Laswell

           

                       

                           I sat in the dark tonight and listened to that song.

                      I wondered, "What ghosts do I awake?" 

                                                      I wonder.....

                     I wonder, how many ghosts of my past revisit me? 

                                                      Do I welcome them back? 

                    Were they meant to return? 

                                                      Should I have let them return to me?

                    How long will they haunt me? How long?............        

Fear.

Do I entertain it? 

Does it entertain me?

How often do I allow it to envelope my entire being?

Have I let it eat away at my soul all this time?

I know I am not the only one that feels that way. Male or female, young or old, dead or living, hoping or hating, awake or sleeping; truth is, we have all felt it. 

I have felt fear

I can't decide if fear can be turned into something beautiful or not. 

You can turn almost any bad situation into something beautiful later on,

but I can't think of a fearful situation that I can remember as having been turned into something beautiful, at any point in time.

Maybe it was the fear of being who I am that was turned into something beautiful 

"I am proud of you for being who you really are, Emily." 

It wasn't until I heard those words from my sister that I realized that becoming who I truly am is a long, hard, and lonely road. 

There are no two people in this road that are exactly alike

That's why it's a lonely road. 

But, the end result is always worth it.

There are moments when I question myself,

Will I allow myself to be who I really am?

Will I dig up the old ghost of myself and return to my old ways?

Maybe the thing I fear the most is the fear of being who I really am.

Can I handle the negative comebacks from people on the simple changes I personally make, to become a better me? 

Will I be responsible for the mistakes I make?

Will I withstand the judgement I receive from others, for being someone that they just don't understand?

Do I listen to the voices in my head that are constantly nagging me?

It isn't worth it, Emily. You're not worth it. Who are you to just dream up being individual and unique? You don't deserve to be who you want to be. 

                              YOU AREN'T WORTH IT.

What if the voices are right? 

What if I am the ugly, unworthy, selfish person that I feel like?

"All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves;

I looked for him but did not find him.

I will get up now and go about the city, 

through its streets and squares;

I will search for the one my heart loves.

So I looked for him but did not find him.

The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city.

'Have you seen the one my heart loves?'

Scarcely had I passed them 

when I found the one my heart loves."

And then, my hero sweeps in.... 

"My dove in the clefts of the rock,

in the hiding places on the 

mountainside,

show me your face,

let me hear your voice;                                   

for your voice is sweet,

and your face is lovely.

You have stolen my heart, 

my sister, my bride;

you have stolen my heart 

with one glance of your eyes."

(Excerpts from Solomon's Song of Songs)

That is how Jesus feels about me, and I know that no one can change that. 

Embed that in your heart, because you are embedded in His. 

I will no longer be afraid to be who He has called me to be, because I know when my heart wants to give in to my ghosts, my Hero sweeps in and saves me. <3

                                                                                                         

You are more than the ghost of your past, My Love.

Written with love by Emmi

Dedicated to those who are fighting their ghosts.

You can win this battle.

Photography by Emmi

Fall. It's an amazing season. Happy and sad (Sad, because it means summer is long gone), both in one. For me, happy that winter is approaching, which brings out (what little there is) the reader in me. It means sitting in front of the fireplace reading a book about an Alaskan Pilot, cuddled in a purple blanket I made in memory of my loving Grandmother, and drinking a good cup-o-joe. 

Photography by Emmi
Taken in Iowa

It's the white noise on a walk in the snow in the late hours of night. 

Via Pinterest

It's that over-sized, fuzzy, warm sweater that you know doesn't complement your figure, but you wear it anyway. 

Via Pinterest

It means we are close to the time of the birth of our Savior, celebrating Christmas. 
It's the hectic Christmas shopping and picking gifts for the ones you love.






    

Photography by Emmi
Taken in Iowa
(Biscotti made by my sweet Sister, Maggie)

It's having friends that we don't get to see very often, come out to the farm and create all manner of good food in the kitchen with my family. 


Come on people, how could you NOT like winter?
(If you say it's too cold, just go get yourself an oversized sweater and suck it up.) 


Today is "one of those days"....cold (yay!), what some people would call "gloomy", rainy, and dull, but I find it to be the nice kind of dull. The kind of dull that makes you want to curl up in bed with something hot to drink and a good book and listen to James Blunt, while a cinnamon-smelling candle is lit and filling up the room with a delicious smell. 

Via Pinterest

Via Pinterest

It's one of those afternoons where you would journal poetic things, or the precious secrets of your heart. 

Photography by Emmi

It's one of those afternoons where I sit at the piano and pretend I can play. 










As I write, I look out the window and see the rain, gently falling, pattering against the far window. 
I think I will sit and watch it fall while I listen to Lifehouse.



A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world. 
Oscar Wilde 


Written with love by Emmi

"We'll be old ladies in nursing homes, having wheelchair races down the halls."

                            That is how I feel about my best friends.      

They are the ones that help keep me grounded in Christ, 

               they are the ones I call in the middle of the night when I need someone to tell me that it's going to be ok.

   I know that if I need a shoulder to cry on, they'll be there.   

   If anyone breaks their heart, there will be a price to pay. 

        

A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. 
Arnold H. Glasow 

I know that no matter what, they will always have my back whenever I need them the most.

They are my bandmates, my co-adventure seekers, my inspiration; they are the rock to my roll, the heart to my soul, the half to my whole. <3

A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same. 
Elbert Hubbard 

I don't think I'll even be able to think my friends enough for all that they have done, and are doing for me. 

But, as small as this is, this is just one of the thank you's that they will here from me. 

True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.
Charles Caleb Colton

So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. 

Words cannot describe what you, my friends, mean to me. <3

My friends are my estate.
Emily Dickinson

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

Author unknown

There's a path we walk along, known as life,

That puts challenges before us.

There are moments when you feel like you can't walk anymore,      

and you feel like no one's beside you.

But always remember, no matter what,

I'm always there to walk beside you. 

Written with love by Emmi

Love

Child, do not try to hide from me. If you want to hide, hide in me. I will be your shelter in time of storm. I see your every dream, your every heart’s desire.

My loved one, I put those there. I have given you my blessing; move on, go forward. Dreams will only come true if you do something about them. I am here with you; I will always be there! Oh how I joy when you dream big! Do not let anyone tell you ‘No, I don’t think it will work’ or ‘Well yeah that’s nice, but…’ 

My love, ‘but’ only halts you. Oh dear one, no words can describe how much I love you. It is so deep, so intimate. I am what holds you together, I am what fulfills you. I am always, always by your side; never doubt that.

Oh dear one, why are you looking for love? I am here. Do not worry, I am here, I will calm your fears. Cry on my shoulder my child, always remember, I will wipe away every tear you have cried.   

Dear one, do not look for love in the things of this world; for that is what they are; things. All things will fall away at one point or another. Ignore what they say ‘lasts a life time’ 

Child, only I will last a life time, and eternity. I know you want to come home, to live eternally, but dear one, you have me in you, you are living eternally. I am forever; and as you are a reflection of me, you too, will be forever.       

Never try to earn your way to heaven my beloved. I have done everything; and you have received it. Oh how I joy in your success!

Keep going, keep pressing on. I’m your fan; I’m your cheer leader. This is my love note, from me, to you, your partner, forever. 

That was a love letter, inspired by God. I wrote that in 2009. 

                                                              

 Sometimes, it isn't always easy                                           

 to hear the words "I love you" 

from the person that is saying it. 

Love is a powerful thing. It can be used as a tool, a weapon, a blanket;it could the shoulder you have buried your head into for comfort.   

So tell me. Where do you look for love?

                                                                         1 John 4:18 (ESV)

                                          "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. 

                For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."

God wants to perfect you in His love. HIS love is the only perfect love. 

Are you still looking for love? He is knocking on the door of your heart.

                Let Him in. 

                                 

                              Love is calling. Will you answer?                                        

~Emmi~

                                                 

Heartbreak

                          
                                                                                                  
The dictionary describes it as "overwhelming distress", but once you break it down, it is really just something that has happened to you, and, metaphorically speaking, broken your heart.

Heartbreak isn't just caused by the person you've been dating, breaking up with you. It is hilarious to me that so many people limit it to that, to just two people quitting their relationship, then walking out of each others's lives, when there are so many causes of heartbreak. 

There are children all over the world that are starving (or even in your own community); people that are going to be lacking heat during the upcoming winter; a family tragedy could be taking place within the family of one of your close friends, but have you even noticed? Have you recently looked at the statistics for abortions, per day, world wide? Approximately 115,000. PER DAY.   

How many girls are being raped as you read this? How many are being kidnapped and sold into sex slavery? How many wives are being abused by the one that they thought was their soulmate?

How many families are mourning the loss of the life of someone that willingly put their life on the line, to protect our country, to protect the Freedom that you currently enjoy?

Now, take a deep breath. Close your eyes for a moment. Is heartbreak still there, knocking on your door?

Go out and look at the stars, and try to count them. There isn't a number that can be put on how many stars that are in the sky. The same goes for broken hearts. 

Close your eyes again for a moment, and forget all of the depressing thoughts nagging at you. 

Now open them, and smile. Smile, because the same God that created the countless stars, also created the countless hearts that are now broken. 

He is the only one that knows the exact number of stars. He is the only one that knows the number of all the broken hearts. He was the first to experience heartbreak. 

Take His hand. Let Him walk you through it. Crawl into His lap and cry for a bit. 

If you would only look past your situation of depression, I'm sure that if you looked up, you would see God smiling down on you, saying, "I was there once. I am here for you now."

He will take care of you. Put your heart in His gentle hands.

~Emmi~